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October 09, 2008

A letter to Maddy


Sweet Madeline, please believe that Mommy would never lock you out of the house.   NeverNot-in-a-million-years EVER.

The door was not locked (you just thought it was) and Mommy is so sorry that she didn't hear you crying.  When I finally figured out what happened, you were so distraught and I'll never forget the look on your precious face when I think back on all of this*.  Really, I'm so incredibly sorry about that.  Trust me, my baby, that I'd never do anything to hurt you and I'm so sorry you were so upset.

Here's the whole story:  Our washing machine died this morning with a huge, soggy, load inside only 1/4 finished.  We checked the Owner's Manual and learned that our problem would require a visit from a RLSP (Real Live Service Person) so I completed the necessary information online on the LG Website and waited to hear back from the service department.

When I picked you and Gwenny up from Preschool and came home to wait to hear from the technician, I noticed that I had an email with some instructions to troubleshoot the problem with the washing machine.    At the same time, you asked to go outside into the backyard to play so I opened the sliding-glass door for you.  Then I shut it (like I have many times before) because I thought you could easily pull it open again.  But I guess Gwenny is usually with you and she was probably the one who opened the door for you.  But she was inside today (watching Curious George on TV).  I really didn't know you'd be stuck out there in the hot sun and unable to open the door to come back into the house.  You must have thought that I did this on purpose but, please trust me my Sweet Darling Girl that I didn't.  I never thought for even one single second that you couldn't get back in.

When your brother was about 3 years old, we were looking at new houses and he accidentally wandered into the back yard and found himself unable to get back in.  A few minutes later, I found him with his teary face pressed against the glass door and it's an image I've never been able to shake out of my head.  Even 17 years later I see that wet face on the door.  Today, it was your teary face pressed against the glass and my heart split totally in two pieces when I saw you.

There will be pain and disappointment in your future but I promise that none of that will ever intentionally come from your family.  Even though you might have thought you were locked out on purpose, you will NEVER be cut off from the people who love you.  This I promise from the very bottom of my broken heart.



*This picture wasn't taken today.  Maddy was much too upset for cameras and such things.  The picture you see was from 9/18 and it was a photo that I loved even though she looked so sad.  As usual, her sad face was just a quick and fleeting thing that day.


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